Q&A: Do more people “settle” or marry the person they love?

Question by : Do more people “settle” or marry the person they love?
In between friends, and my girlfriends family and mine- we went to 8 weddings this summer. These ranged from the all-out go for broke lavish weddings to nice, intimate backyard ceremony and cookout affairs.
I’ve thought about this, and though most of these people are dear to me and I want them to be happy- it seems the majority ( except one ) of the marriages was for convenience, rather than love.
My cousin- at his reception actually told me that it was about time for them to get married, so he could get her kids on “his insurance”, and I’ve heard this from others when children from past relationships are involved.
It just seems alot of people just either 1. think they have to be married. 2. do it for financial reasons ( split bills/ insurance) 3.not sure- some of these people seem to have nothing in common.

I’ve explained to my girlfriend the only reason for marriage is 1. if you want to have and raise children together. This is one reason I would not marry a woman with children from previous marriages- that bond cannot exist, and for the most part alot of single moms are looking to get married for the financial purpose. or #2 if you meet your soulmate in another country and you need to be married to be together. I know alot of people look down on ” mail order brides ” but my friends that have done this seem to have the best loving marriages I have personally seen.

do you think more people “settle” or marry the person they love?

One more though for extra points- what is your opinions on arranged marriages? I know one family that have this situation, and they are the most loving, functional family that I know.

Best answer:

Answer by JDRB
I think it would be sad to just settle on someone to marry you should be in love with that person and want to grow old with them through the good and bad. sadly you are right many people marry for the wrong reasons and end up hating each other and their poor kids are stuck in the middle of their toxic marriage and they grow up thinking that that’s what marriage is all about. Before I got married 22 years ago I asked myself is this the man I want to have kids with? Do I want to grow old with this person? and can I deal with the little things that bug me from time to time, my answer was yes to all of them. As far as arranged marriages I couldn’t answer that one don’t know any.

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1 comment to Q&A: Do more people “settle” or marry the person they love?

  • Sra Vish

    I am sure they are not the only ones that do that, in the political arena. I would say though that maybe certain people in certain business circles do that all the time with a squeeze on the side. I am not saying its right , I am saying its the way it is . What about Tony Soprano?

    what we desire isn’t the best for us emotionally. I don’t think that it is because we aren’t worthy of it, at some level we just know that it isn’t right. Like the above poster that says she is attracted to the strong dominant types yet ends up with the passive men. And usually, what we don’t have (unless we are in a very stable and loving relationship) will look better than what we do have.

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