Q&A: How to I tell my MIL to back off? (nicely)?

Question by mrsjones09: How to I tell my MIL to back off? (nicely)?
After a year or more of praying and budgeting and saving, my husband and I have made the decision for me to quit my job and be a stay-at-home mama. We are financially secure and can easily make it on one salary, although we will be making a few cuts in certain areas. He and I are thrilled, and the kids are so happy to have Mom at home now. The rest of our family is in full support, but his mom called today and just chewed his ear about how upset she was that I was quitting. Some of her reasoning: “There are people out there just dying for a good job, and you would just walk away from yours?” also, “What are you going to do for insurance?” Oh and my favorite, “Dad and I are going to be the ones who are responsible for bailing you out.” Certainly as a mom she’d have a right to be concerned if we were making a flippant decision, but we’ve thought this through carefully for a long time and it is clearly the right thing to do. We’ve got the insurance thing nailed down, and as far as the people who are dying for jobs well guess what? One just opened up-mine! That’s like telling my kids they had better eat their food because of the starving kids in India. As if our situation relates to the other. And yes, my hubby has borrowed money from them in the past but it has been paid in full for a long time now. And we’ve made it clear to her that I’m not going to be sitting around eating bonbons…we have 3 kids so I am definitely going to be plenty busy. Anyway my question is has anyone been in the situation of a parent’s total disapproval and how do you deal with it respectfully? Moreover, how do you forgive and get on with life and not let the naysayer bring you down? Stay at home moms, how do you deal with the people who think less of you not having a “real” job?

Best answer:

Answer by Dena
OOh geez. What a whack job your MIL is. There is no nice way to tell her because even if to you it is nice, she’ll find a way to take it in a negative way, trust me. I know how these people operate. There is no satisfying them. They are crazy-makers. My father in law (whom thankfully lives far away now) used to ask me how I planned on helping out my husband more financially, when I was already working full time (and so was my husband!) He kind of had issues against women though. We recently saw him (it had been 9 yrs!.) and he had not changed. The only choice to make with ACTUAL results is to distance yourself from these people. Whether that be geographically, or emotionally.

What do you think? Answer below!

1 comment to Q&A: How to I tell my MIL to back off? (nicely)?

  • deepsoul20

    Well, from what I can tell you and your husband are Christians. I think it’s great you want to stay home. I plan on doing this as well when my husband and I start a family. You say you’ve made cut backs. So it seems like you’ve thought this through. And if you feel the peace from God, that’s all that matters. He will help to provide you with your needs. He see’s you have your children’s best interest at heart. I can also see and understand how you don’t want to disrespect the inlaws. However, in a Christian marriage, you leave your mother and father in a spiritual sense and cleave to your spouse. That doesn’t mean you let what the parents say go in one ear and out the other. Listen to what they have to say with the attitude of them being older and wiser. But calmly explain your side and what you feel God telling you to do. After all, you and your husband are the ones going to be dealing with the cutbacks and hardships. Like I read in a book on submission, don’t let the world fool you in thinking you have to be a two household income. You can give up things and make adjustments even if it means not having two or three big expensive automobiles, a three story home, internet and cable access in every room of the house and going on two big family vacations a year. It comes down to what is most important, which is family. And it seems a lot of people have forgotten that. No wonder we see so many dysfunctional kids who hardly see mom and dad because they are being raised by a daycare and around other kids living with low value systems. Then as they become teens, they act out and are defiant because both mom and dad are working long hours and are never home. Just so the kids and themselves can have nice luxuries which by the way will not be going with us when we die. God bless, and let the lord lead you and your husband to what he thinks is best.

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